I fall in to silence for the rest of the ride home, trying my hardest not to think too much about it anymore. I don’t want to consider Esme and her nightmare any longer, but I can’t seem to stop the fear from coming…
“Oh my God.” Tamara grabs on to my arm as we pull in to the fire station. “Shit, Theo, I know that this isn’t what you need right now… but Jane is outside. Waiting for you by the looks of it. Pissed off as hell.”
“Oh fucking hell, you are joking?” I groan. “Another nightmare before I end this day. She never comes to the fire station. She must be really desperate. Urgh, and I was so looking forward to getting home to bed.”
I really do feel heavy and pissed off. Every part of my body hurts. My limbs are weighted with stress and the knowledge that I have been at work for a very long time through a lot of horrible work, and now I don’t get a break. Mind you, I would rather face another burning building with someone that I care about inside, than her.
“We’ll get inside quick,” Tamara half whispers to me. “Leave you to it. I’m sure you don’t want us all listening in… oh, unless you want us to help get you out of the conversation. We can do that, if you want?”
“Much as I would love you to get rid of her, it will only be temporary. I will just face her and get this over and done with.” I roll my eyes, trying to act all blasé about the whole thing. “Try and get rid of her.”
If I had known that Jane was going to turn up at work, I might not have bothered moving after all. It’s easier to deal with her rants in the privacy of my own environment instead of in front of my work colleagues. Even if the people who work with me don’t try and listen in, I’m sure that they will hear the whole thing anyway.
But that’s what Jane wants. As a punishment for me moving home and leaving her for good.
“What’s going on?” I ask as I take a few steps closer to Jane. “Why are you here?”
“Why the fuck are you out dealing with a fire when you are supposed to have finished work?” she rages, her face flaming with anger. I can’t believe she’s acting like I have done her an injustice. Mind you, I don’t know why that’s such a surprise to me since she has always been like that. “I have been waiting here for ages…”
“Oh, well I am sorry that my job is such an inconvenience to you,” I shoot back sarcastically. “I didn’t realize that putting out a fire would be such a problem to you coming to visit me. Maybe if I had known…”
She rolls her eyes and snorts while folding her arms across her chest. “Don’t be like that, Theo. Since you won’t talk to me on the phone and you have moved away to hide from me, which is utterly childish, by the way, this is the only thing that we can do, isn’t it? I have to come here to talk to you. I waited until you had finished work, so you can’t have a go at me for interfering with your precious work colleagues.”
“This is still too much, Jane,” I reply firmly. “This is still unnecessary. We have nothing more to say to one another. Why don’t you get that? When people are finished with the divorce, that’s the end of it. I have had to move home and change my phone number to stop you from all of this. It’s too much. Don’t you get it?”
I’m getting frustrated now, starting to lose my freaking mind. If Jane doesn’t understand that now then I don’t know if she ever will. But I really can’t deal with this shit forever. I need her to understand.
“Jane, I’m with someone else,” I tell her firmly. A little harsher than I might have done otherwise, but being kind hasn’t worked. I have to be cruel instead. “That’s part of the reason why I have had to leave my house, because I don’t want you getting in the way or what I have now. That’s why I will never tell you where I live.”
Jane steps back like I have slapped her in the face. I don’t like the way that I have clearly hurt her, that isn’t my style, but at the same time this can’t continue. It has needed to stop for far too long now.
“You… you are with someone?” She’s ashen, shocked. “But I always thought that we would end up back together. I assumed that… that eventually you would forgive me and we would have a romantic reunion.”