Gabe blows out a harsh breath and hangs his head, his hair falling forward. I reach up to push it back from his face, enjoying the way the soft strands seem to cling to my fingers. “I-I fucking forgot Luce. And I never forget.”
“It’s fine. Really. As you uh, know, I’ve never been with anyone else.” For once, this is a good thing, right? At least I’m not disease ridden.
He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I’ve never not used a condom.”
“Then we’re good,” I say, trying to keep it light. He felt so amazing inside of me with no barriers between us. I could get used to that real quick.
He opens his eyes, his bright blue gaze meeting mine. “But you could get pregnant.”
Oh. Shit. I didn’t even think of that, and getting pregnant should’ve been my first worry. It’s always been my worst fear, my mother’s worst fear and now it’s possibly come to life. Yet it completely slipped my mind that could even be an option.
I’ve lost it, clearly.
“I had my period recently,” I reassure him. Was it a week ago? Two weeks ago? If it was two weeks, that’s dangerous. One week, we should be good.
God, I don’t know. I’m not ignorant to this sort of stuff but I’ve never really paid much attention to my cycle beyond being irritated when I get it at inopportune times. Or pretty much any time. I’m fairly regular. My periods are normal. I don’t get bad cramps like I did when I was younger. And before, those few times Gabe and I did have sex, we always used a condom. I felt safe. I still feel safe.
And that’s probably me being stupid and naïve but I can’t help it. I think we’re good. If I believe it enough, that’ll make it true, right?
Oh my God. What am I, ten years old?
“We’ll be fine. I’m fairly certain I’m not ovulating,” I reassure him when he still hasn’t said anything. Why should I be the one making sure he’s okay? If I’m knocked up, he’s not going to be fat and pregnant and miserable, I am. Because if I am pregnant I refuse to get an abortion. It goes against my beliefs. I don’t judge, I believe a woman has a choice and I would choose to have that baby.
No questions asked.
His shoulders sag in visible relief. “Okay. That’s good, right?”
“Yes. It’s definitely good.” I nod, hoping like hell that means we’re in the clear. We have to be in the clear. I’m not ready for a baby and I know Gabe sure as hell isn’t. I don’t even think he’s ready for a commitment, let alone a freaking baby. “We’re good.” I brush my fingers through his hair again and lift my head, hoping he gets my hint.
He does, kissing me lightly, his damp lips so warm and soft, I go liquid inside. I sigh when he breaks away and he pulls out of my body, rolling to his side so he can scoop me up and hold me against him. Warm liquid spills out of me and I stiffen, the realization of what just happened hitting me full force.
Gabe came inside my body. And stupid me didn’t even realize that he forgot to slip on a condom. How could I be so irresponsible? I’d been caught up in the moment I guess, which is the oldest excuse in the book. If Mama knew, she’d smack me upside the head and call me stupid.
And she’s never in her life called me stupid. Ever. It was a bad word in my house, always has been. I used to get in trouble for saying it. Mama broke that habit of mine for me pretty quickly.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs against my forehead, his lips brushing my skin. His arm is around my waist, his big hand splayed across my back. The way he holds me is comforting but my thoughts are in complete turmoil. “I fucked up and I feel bad.”
“We’ll be fine,” I tell him, wondering who I’m trying to reassure more, him or me. “I should’ve remembered too. We’re both responsible so don’t think you’re the only one to blame.”
He’s quiet for a moment, so quiet and still, I wonder if he’s fallen asleep when I hear him speak again. “I was too caught up.”
“Too caught up in what?” I trace my fingers over his chest, touching the light patch of hair that grows between his pecs. He’s got the most fascinating masculine body I’ve ever seen. Despite my worry, despite my frustration with what just happened, I’m still so drawn to him, attracted by him, that I can’t stop touching his body. I want to touch it more. I’d let him do whatever he wanted to me despite our sexual epic fail.
As I’ve thought before, I have a serious problem. And his name is Gabe.
“I get too caught up in you. Every single time we’re together.” He shifts away from me so he can stare down into my eyes. “It’s like you’re the only thing I focus on when I’m with you, Luce. Hell, even when I’m not with you, you consume my thoughts. It’s…wild.”
His words warm me from the inside out but I frown, wanting to make sure what he’s saying is a good thing. “Wild in a good way or wild in a bad way?”
He chuckles. “In a good way. Well, also in a bad way because I didn’t wear a damn condom.” The laughter stops and I hate that he’s beating himself up over this.
“This is no big deal,” I tell him, placing my hand on his cheek so he looks at me. I’m lying. This is a huge deal but what can I say? What can I do? Absolutely nothing. What’s done is done. We just have to move on and learn from our mistakes.
Hopefully our mistakes won’t come back and bite us both in the butt.
“What the hell calls for this meeting so early?” Tristan asks as he tries to hide a yawn and fails.