I’d checked out his credentials like I’d said, as much as I had grown to like the little pain in the ass I was still a businessman and I wasn’t about to hand over the reigns of one of my businesses to just anyone.
I was pleasantly surprised and pleased to find that though he needed a little more experience, he was more than qualified academically for the job.
There were already quite a few well-known names clamoring for the position, but I felt confident about giving him the shot. Plus there was the added bonus of sticking it to Marion once and for all.
He wasn’t coming back for me. That was my first thought every morning and my last thought at night. I moped around my family’s farm lost in a daze, feeling bereft and out of touch.
The place that once offered so much solace now seemed desolate and isolated. I could find no joy in the surrounding fields, or the sound of the animals as they moved around in their stalls.
After the second day I gave up trying to fit in. There was no use; I’d come home in shame. Yes I’d just finished the American leg of a major campaign, in which I was the new face of a known label, and in a few weeks I would be off to Europe to finish up there, but I felt like a failure all the same.
I realized now that all of that meant nothing to me; nothing meant anything without him, my master.
Just thinking of him brought a sharp pain that made me curl into myself. I had to stuff my fist into my mouth so as not to alarm the rest of the household. Already they were whispering and wondering what was wrong with me.
My smile was no longer fooling anyone, it couldn’t hide the torn ravages of my heart and I’m sure they’d all heard me crying myself to sleep at night.
I’d been keeping up my journal though since he’d packed it in my suitcase the day he sent me away. I poured my heart and soul out in that thing when there was no one there to hear my words.
I couldn’t share this new experience with anyone here. They wouldn’t understand I don’t believe. Besides I didn’t want to share him with anyone I needed to hold the memories inside less they fade away.
So I kept up my journal and I hoped and prayed everyday that he would show up, but by the end of the first week and the middle of the second I’d given up hope.
Why would he bother? I’d known the rules, and that last day I’d broken them spectacularly, not because I found them confining or too strict, no I needed that, I fed off of it. But because I was being a petulant child I had lost everything.
I thought of getting on a train or a plane, I could afford that now, and going to him, confronting him, insisting eh take me back. But each time I played out that scenario in my head it always ended with the same thought. That too would be disobedient, he’d sent me here and here is where I needed to stay until he came. But what if he never came? Then I was lost forever.
I heard my mother come into my room and sit on the edge of my bed. Her hand smoothing back my hair brought a modicum of comfort but not enough to pierce the dark void of my heart.
“Sweetheart you have to come down, you must eat something it’s been three days if you carry on like this your father and I have decided we’ll have no choice but to take you to ole doc Lewis.”
“I’m fine momma I just want to sleep.”
“But that’s all you’ve done since you got here and I can’t see where it’s done you any good. Now come on down and sit with the family. Grandma Rose brought over some of that boysenberry jam you like so much.” Her warm lips against my cheek brought back childhood memories, memories of a happier time, a time before I knew what true heartache really meant.
I just rolled over and turned my face to the wall. Her deep sigh of disappointment couldn’t break through the cloak I’d wrapped myself in. I didn’t care, I only cared about him and the love I knew I’d once had but had squandered so stupidly in one selfish act of rebellion.
Something woke me out of a deep sleep. I’m not sure what it as but I woke up in a cold sweat. Looking over at the bedside table a look at the clock told me it was almost three in the morning.
I couldn’t for the life of me remember what had awakened me but…”Kitten”. I dropped me feet on the side of the bed and jumped up. The urgency was riding me hard as I rushed through getting dressed and calling the pilot to get ready. If he couldn’t make it I would fly the damn thing myself.
It was a three hour flight with added time for airport travel here and there it should take me no more than for hours tops that would put me there at about six or seven just when the farm was waking up I suppose.