“I’m not very good at accepting kindness or affection. I rarely allow anyone to touch me. When I was a child, my mother started doing drugs. At first it was just some cocaine, she’d go out to bars or parties and get high with her friends. In the beginning, they would only get high on the weekends, then it started happening all the time. Eventually she met a guy, some low-life who was dealing, and he introduced her to crack. It was a great alternative for her, much cheaper and easier to access. That was the beginning of the end. Soon she lost her job, we lost the house, and ultimately moved into a dangerous part of town. It was bad, most nights she would pass out on the sofa and these sketchy drug addicts would be in our apartment. No one touched me, thank God, but she was my mother and she cared about the drugs more than she cared about me. That’s why I reacted the way I did when we first met. Paul was supposed to take care of you and he was too fucked up to give a damn. I want you so much but all this baggage keeps crawling up and it chokes me until it fucks with my head. You need to know what you’re getting involved in.”
I listened to Silas speak and my heart was breaking with every single word. I lifted my hand and touched his face, hoping that the touch would show him I wasn’t going anywhere. We were kindred spirits, cut from the same cloth and suffered the same type of traumas as children, he as a young boy and me in my adolescence.
“There’s more and I promise I’ll tell you that too, but I just can’t right now. You’ve been through enough these last few days.”
“Yes. But, Silas, I need you to tell me. It doesn’t have to be right now, but I’m not a yoyo. I care for you and I need to know that I matter to you.” He nodded and grabbed my hand and started to direct us to toward the staircase. I curled my fingers around his hand, I could feel the rough calluses on his palm. We walked up the stairs in silence. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I was scared if I spoke now, he would disappear again and I didn’t think my heart could handle it. I’d already lost too much and Silas was the one constant I had left to hang on to.
Suddenly, Silas stopped halfway up the stairs and turned to look at me.
“You don’t have to be scared. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I know you faced your fears by being there with Paul, and I’m ready to do the same.” We continued up the stairs and stopped at his door. His gaze was intent and he brushed his thumb across my lips
“You are so damn beautiful, Olivia. Sleep in my bed tonight, with me, if you’re ready.” He bent down and kissed me, a flutter of a touch from his lips to mine. I parted my lips and exhaled inviting his tongue into my mouth, desperately wanting to prolong the moment for as long as possible. This is what erased the bad. My past was dead and with Silas, I had my future to look forward to.
He opened his bedroom door with one hand hovering on my waist to lead me into the room. Using his foot, he slammed the door shut and then pushed me to the wall and continued to kiss me. His hands roamed over my body eliciting shivers to tingle across my flesh. He left my lips and trailed tiny, gentle kisses up and down my neck until he reached my ears.
“If you want me to stop, you need to tell me now,” he whispered. His voice made me quiver with anticipation. It was rough and strained with desire, and his lust matched my own frantic need. He continued to kiss below my ear as one of his hands came up and brushed my nipple sending me into more heightened arousal.
“Tell me if this isn’t what you want.” He removed my shirt lifting it above my head. I savored the sharp contrast between the cool air and the heat from Silas’ body pressed up against mine.
“I don’t want you to stop,” I breathed, as I pulled him closer to me. That was all he needed. Suddenly, his kiss became hungry, even more urgent with need. He devoured me as if he hadn’t eaten in days and I was the only meal that could sate his voracious appetite. He kissed his way down my body stopping at my breasts. He took one nipple in his mouth and sucked, while he pinched my other nipple between his fingers, bringing them both to hard points. There was a pain but the sensation was extraordinary and I felt desire slick my panties. My temperature rose from his touch, a combination of gentle and rough, pleasure mixed with pain, exactly as I needed and wanted it to be. I was emotionally raw and his fingertips skidding across my skin were the match to light the flame.