I glance at July, my frown wobbling against my will at the look on her face. She’s never seen me like this, and Z doesn’t even look a little bit fazed by my outburst.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! He was made for me. It’s clear as day. And I put us through all this shit tonight for absolutely no reason. Fuck my life.
“I’m gonna head out,” Sage says.
“Are you coming, or am I walking?” I raise a brow at Z, who grumbles something about his kitten having claws before he moves toward me. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell July, my voice coming out breathier than I intended as Z’s big form nears, and we walk out the door.
We don’t say a word on our way back to our house.
Again, what the hell is wrong with me?
What the fuck was I thinking, believing Z could possibly be cheating on me, when he just took me a week ago to meet his wonderful family? When we just found out I’m carrying his baby? When he just packed up all his stuff at the compound and moved in with me? Why am I so fucked up?
When we get home, I hop out of the car before he can come around and help me out, feeling jittery because I know we’re going to have to talk this through. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to admit how freaking stupid I am. As soon as we’re through the door though, I’m not given a chance to run from him. His big arms are scooping me up, and the next thing I know, he’s cradling me in his lap as he sits down on the couch.
“What the hell were you thinking tonight, kitten?” he whispers at the top of my head, kissing me there, and I can’t help it as my body melts into his.
Suddenly, knowing I have to open up to him, I start to tremble before tears start falling in fat waves. And then comes the snot. And right behind that come the sobs. “I’m so freaking dumb, Z. So stupid. I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I… I… I… thought you were… were… cheating on me!” The last words come out as a loud wail, and LeFou howls inside his crate.
Z shushes him, and he immediately stops.
“What in the world, woman? Don’t you know how much I love you? How much I worship the very ground you walk on?” he asks, and I can hear the hurt in his voice.
I cough out another sob. “I know! That’s why I said I’m dumb! But… but you’re so fucking secretive! When I ask you anything about your day, you always give me these vague answers. You never talk to me about what’s going on with the club, which doesn’t leave much else, because those guys were your life before I came along. So when you’re me, and you’ve been cheated on in the past, that’s automatically where my mind goes when you won’t give me straight answers.”
“That’s what all this is about?” he asks, and he has the audacity to let out a laugh.
I glare up at him. “Yes, Z! That’s what this is about. How can we have a good relationship if you aren’t willing to communicate with me? Don’t you trust me?”
He squeezes me tighter. “Of course I trust you, crazy girl. I wouldn’t be here night after night, making love to you and telling you I love you, if I didn’t trust you. I’m vague, because I’m trying to keep you safe. If you didn’t know this about yourself, you like to take things into your own hands and go on these potentially dangerous adventures. If I tell you all that’s going on, it would be just like you to plan something crazy, when I need you home, safe, protected, out of our way so we can handle it. Not to mention, you have my baby inside you now. So I didn’t want to take any chance of you getting one of your bright ideas.”
I have no sassy retort to that. He’s exactly right.
But that still doesn’t fix the fact he doesn’t communicate with me.
I sniffle. My tears drying up the longer he rubs my back and soothes me with his reassurances. Finally, I concede, “What… what if I promised not to take matters into my own hands? Would you then promise to tell me things?”
His chocolate eyes stare into mine, and he must see I really need this for my peace of mind. “Against my better judgment, yes. If you swear on our child that you will not go on one of your adventures behind my back, then yes, I will always answer your questions. I won’t be secretive anymore. I’ll tell you everything that’s going on. But you have to know I’m entrusting you with some fucking serious information, so I’m confiding in you, trusting that you won’t tell anyone.”