Was that it? Was it because she was the only one to ever resist me that I felt this wild need to conquer her? Would I walk away from her like I’ve done so many others after I’ve had her?
Somehow I no longer thought so. Everything felt different this time, but different in a way I didn’t expect. There was lust, and attraction sure, but they weren’t the front runners.
There was something softer, much gentler, growing inside me for her. Something I had no words for and no other experience to compare it to.
It was almost sweet, this feeling and I never do sweet. Sweet is for suckers who get drawn into spider’s webs. Men who wake up one day with regret.
I’ve avoided traps ever since my college days when it looked like my career was going somewhere. It was one of my biggest fears other than being like my father. Falling for the wrong woman and regretting it for the rest of my life.
I’d seen my own mother suffer because of a love that turned out to be all bullshit and lies. So I’ve been wary all this time of history repeating itself.
I never let my heart get involved in any of the relationships I’ve had. And up until now I thought I was in control of that shit.
I didn’t know that someone could sneak in under my well placed guard so easily. Or make me change who the fuck I am that easily. I looked down at her almost in wonder as my mind relived our short acquaintance.
And the debate was back on. I didn’t see me wining and dining her and having one of those long drawn out things. I saw her in my apartment, sitting across the breakfast table from me every morning. In my bed; as simple as that.
Shouldn’t there have been more fanfare? Shouldn’t I have felt some kind of warning? Anything when a man’s life was about to be turned on its ass? Instead she hit me out of the left field and I’m nowhere near prepared.
Her little eyes peered up at me and once again something in them pulled at the core of me and everything in me softened. I pulled her into me and kissed her forehead gently before pulling back.
I looked at her now, trying to see what there was about her that captivated me so. I’ve been around beautiful women all my life, but none had ever twisted me up like this.
As someone with my own good looks and charm, there was no shortage of hot babes in my sphere since my teenage years.
Though I’ve lusted and had a strong liking for some of the females in my past, none of them had ever made me feel half of what she does.
Could it really be this easy? Could something that was supposed to last a lifetime really just happen like this? No warning, no build up?
Or was I making too much of this? And how the hell will I know? What if all this is, is the need for a change, for something new and different?
The fact that I knew I would hate myself if I hurt her told me that that might not be the case. That for the first time I was really and truly thinking of forever with someone.
But hadn’t mom believed the same thing? Doesn’t everyone who embarks on one of these scary ass things? The shit isn’t supposed to be this complicated is it?
Only time would tell I guess. In the meantime what the hell am I supposed to do with these confusing feelings and the slight madness I feel when she’s out of my sight?
“Look at me.” There was something soft mixed with the defiance that was usually in her eyes when looking at me. Something I know she didn’t want me to see. I studied her eyes as I rubbed my thumb gently along her cheek.
I’m not exactly sure why I came here tonight. I told myself it was to make sure she was okay, nothing more. But now I’m not so sure.
Maybe this is what I’d been after, after all. But I had more questions now than I did before I came up those stairs. Like why the fuck I didn’t want to leave her.
It was more than that. I was already missing her and I hadn’t walked out the door yet. Could already feel the emptiness that had plagued me in Miami.
I cupped her cheek and ran my thumb over her lip while holding her eyes with mine. “Open!” She obeyed me without hesitation as if under a spell. I know the feeling.
I teased her tongue with the tip of my thumb before lowering my head for one last kiss. I gave her enough time to refuse, but she stood still and let me in, lifting her head just a little bit more to accept me.