We take small steps all the way to the bathroom, which isn’t that far, but somehow it feels like we’ll never get there. She pulls the machine and fluids behind me and keeps one arm around my waist.
“Do you want me to walk in with you?” she asks in a casual tone.
“No,” I say before she follows me in. “Thanks, but I should be fine.” I spot the metal railing along the wall and hold onto it for balance.
“I’ll be right outside the door,” she informs me, turning her back.
This is fucking humiliating.
I need the added stability, so I hold on—my knuckles white from the tight grip. Once I’m finished, I rub antibacterial foam in my hands and walk out to where she’s waiting for me. She places her arm around me, and we make our long journey back to the bed. A breeze brushes across my bare ass, and I realize there’s nothing underneath the thin hospital gown. I’m sure the nurse has seen an eyeful already while walking me to the bathroom, but I don’t have the energy to care.
She must notice my discomfort, because as soon as I turn to sit back down on the bed, I’m quick to cover back up. “Don’t worry, hon. I’ve seen it all in my thirty years of being a nurse.” She grins, but that doesn’t help ease my concern.
I’m a proud man and not shy about my body, but this woman is old enough to be my grandmother.
She helps me settle back into the bed, covering me up and pushing the tray closer to me.
“You should try to eat something,” she says.
I nod, not wanting to tackle that feat just yet, but I don’t argue with her.
“This is for your morphine drip.” She places the cord across my lap, along with the remote that has a call button. “If you feel more pain coming on, push this button. You can get another dose every seventeen minutes if you need it.”
I tell her thank you, and she reminds me to press the call button if I need anything else. Is liquor an option?
“The doctor will go over your file and check in on you around seven or eight. As long as your stats are stable, you should have no issue getting discharged within a day or two.” Her smile is genuine, and she has a sweet demeanor, just like my mother.
“And today is what day exactly?”
“Thursday, honey. We started giving you less pain medication and removed your catheter, so things should start feeling back to normal soon.”
I knew it felt like I was pissing fire. As I lift my legs and lean back onto the pillow, I look over and see my cell phone sitting on the counter. Nancy notices and hands them over. I try to turn my phone on, but it’s dead. I let out a frustrated groan.
“Is that an iPhone?”
Nancy smiles then winks. “I’ve got a charger for you back at the nurses’ station. You probably want to get in touch with that girl that’s been calling to check on you several times a day.”
She smiles and finishes entering the updates into the computer before quietly walking out and shutting the door behind her. I glance at the clock and see it’s just after 3:00 a.m. I probably won’t get much sleep at this point, but my body is begging for it. I’ve never felt so drained in my entire life.
When I close my eyes, images of Viola fill my mind. I can almost taste her lips on mine, and I cringe as I remember the look on her face when she left the house. I wish we didn’t leave things the way we did, but I’m determined more than ever to make it right again. The door opens and closes before I hear Nancy plug in my phone. If I weren’t so exhausted, and it wasn’t so late, I’d call Viola right now just to hear her voice.
Before falling back asleep, I think about Mia, and how she’s a complete fucking mess. Drew needs to know the truth, but I know it’ll hurt him more than anything. If their relationship is truly over, there’s no point in digging the knife deeper.
I think about how Mia was starting to freak out, so I pulled off the highway and into a parking lot to help calm her down. She was nearly in tears and knowing Drew wouldn’t want her to be upset; I tried comforting her the best that I could.
Before I can think about what happened after that, I’m ripped away from my thoughts of her to the thoughts of my car. Memories of the sounds of breaking glass and crashing metal start to surface, but I can’t visualize any of it, which almost makes it worse. Maybe it’s for the best, but I wish I could erase all the memories of what happened from my mind.