I make it to the bedroom without even remembering how I got there. All I know is she’s standing on her own by the bed facing me. I’ve pulled my shirt off and I’m staring at her, waiting to see what she does next. It’d kill me, but I’d let her back out if she wanted. Hell, half of me is hoping she will. It’s going to be hell to let her go after tasting her.
Jessie looks at me and then her hand moves to the waist of her jeans. She undoes the button and then the zipper. My gaze is glued to her actions. I watch as the zipper breaks away, allowing the light blue silk fabric of her panties to show. They match the bra she took off and they’re sexy as hell. She puts one hand on me to brace herself as she slides her pants down and steps out of them.
“Thank God I remembered the good underwear,” she jokes despite her face blooming a deep red.
“I thought I told you I preferred no underwear,” I respond.
In response she reaches down, hooks the tiny lace rim of her panties on her hip and pulls them down. I watch as they slide over her legs and as she steps out of them I’m sure I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.
“Your wish is my command,” she murmurs breathlessly.
My hand clenches into a fist as I try to rein in my hunger for her. I don’t want to scare her.
“Get on the bed, Jessie,” I order her, my voice commanding. I need to be softer for her, but I just can’t manage it right now.
Her eyes widen, but she does as I ask. I take out my billfold and lay it on her nightstand, and then I push my pants down quickly. My cock is rock hard and leaning out toward her. She can’t know how new that is for me. I’m not a virgin, but this isn’t exactly an everyday occurrence either. I could probably count the times I’ve had sex on my hands. The sad truth is I’ve never had sex sober… It hasn’t been possible. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m worried I won’t be able to—even now. I’m hard, which is a miracle that doesn’t happen really. Except with Jessie. I’m always hard around her. From the beginning my reactions to her have been different than they’ve ever been in my life. But even though my body is willing… Will my mind leave me alone long enough to bring her pleasure?
I swore when I got sober and walked away from my past, I’d leave it there. I literally killed to leave it in my past. Still, the memories taint everything. I might be sober, I might have walked away from that life and chosen to live, but I don’t think I’ll ever be clean.
“Allen?” Jessie whispers, bringing my attention back to her. She reaches out a hand to me. “I don’t know where you went just now,” she says, her voice still soft.
“But I’m asking you to come back to me, Allen. Stay with me,” she says and I find myself putting my hand in hers and joining her on the bed.
For now, at least, my past is held back by the simple touch of a woman who soothes my soul like nothing ever has before.
For a moment, Allen looked completely lost. It was like he completely left the room, even though his body was here with me. There was despair on his face, so stark and clear it was painful to see. I don’t know what is going on with him, but I know it’s hurting him and I want to soothe that—if only for tonight.
He gets down on the bed with me and I hold his face, letting my fingers rub against his soft beard. His body is warm, and it soothes the nerves thrumming through me.
“You’re so beautiful,” I tell him, his dark eyes burning me with their intensity. His large body against mine feels solid and huge, but safe at the same time. His tattoos are wrapped around his body, telling stories that I can only guess at, but stories I want to hear.
“I think that’s my line, Mouse,” he murmurs, and his arms go around me as he kisses my forehead gently. He settles on his back, and gently pulls my body over him.
“I should probably confess something, Allen.”
“What’s that, sweetheart?” he asks. He slides his fingers into my hair and then moves them down to gently touch my face.
“I’m kind of new to this,” I tell him quietly. His body goes still and I’m afraid I screwed up telling him that.
“How new?” he asks.
“Jessie?” he prompts when I trail off, feeling out of my depth.