“I’m going to come, Jessie.”
“Okay,” I gasp, concentrating on what I’m doing, wishing it would give me more… I can feel my body tighten, I know I’m close, but somehow I instinctively know I’m not going to get it like this.
“But I’m not going without you,” Allen growls and then I feel his fingers moving against my clit and I cry out. My body jerks and then I grind down on his cock, squeezing him deeply inside of me. “That’s it, Mouse. Come for me,” he urges and I look at him. “God, you’re beautiful,” he says, and for the first time in my life… I feel beautiful.
“Allen… Oh God, don’t stop doing that,” I gasp, riding him harder and faster.
“I got you, Jessie. Let yourself go. I’ll be here to catch you,” he says and I can see the strain on his face. He’s holding back for me. I don’t want that. I want him to have all the pleasure he’s giving me. My hands move to his nipples and I rub them, even as I can feel my orgasm take over.
“Come with me, Allen. Come with me,” I cry as I fall over the edge. I can’t think enough to do more than give in, my body convulsing as my climax rocks me. I can feel his cock lurch inside of me, though, throbbing once… and then again…When he cries out my name I know he’s coming too.
“Jessie!” he cries, and I instinctively use my inner muscles to tighten my hold on him. I fall against his body, exhausted. I can still feel him racing toward the end of his orgasm, so with what strength I can, I continue rocking my body against his, squeezing him tight even as my body protests the overload of pleasure. I kiss him, and he pulls on my lips. I kiss along the side of his face, memorizing every moment of this I can—just in case I never get it again.
“You feel so good, Allen. You’re everything I could ever want. It feels so good, baby,” I tell him softly in his ear as he rides out his orgasm. He seems to like my words, like my voice in his ear because he squeezes me to him with a groan. I keep doing it, repeating nonsense words because I sense he needs them, because I want to… and most of all because they keep me from doing something stupid…
Like blurting out I love him.
The sun will be rising soon. I’ve yet to fall asleep.
I didn’t want to waste one moment of my time with Jessie.
I know I should be leaving. I have to meet Roman in a couple of hours. For the first time since Roman saved me, I find myself wanting to blow him off. Tell him that I can’t go back to Miami. Tell him that my life is here now… with Jessie.
The fucked-up thing about it is, I know Roman would be okay with that.
But, what could I truly offer, Jessie?
Without Roman, I don’t have a job. There’s no one going to hire an ex-druggie with no real work experience. The only job I’ve had is being Roman’s strong arm. I’m good at it, I work extra hard at it, because I don’t want to disappoint him. Still, that job doesn’t translate into other opportunities and if it did, it would be with people I don’t want in Jessie’s life.
Jessie has a life here. She has a shop she loves. She’s young, beautiful and she deserves kids and a house with a picket fence. All things, I can’t have. I selfishly brought her into my life. I shouldn’t have. Then, I took her virginity, when she should have saved that for the man who could give her everything she deserves.
That man is not me.
I’m not a good man. I’m definitely not clean and once Jessie learns all about my past, I’ll be the last man she wants in her bed. I close my eyes and it’s so easy to envision the look of disgust that comes over her face as she discovers what I’ve done in my life… what was done to me…
There’s no way she will want me after she learns the truth.
I could keep her, shield her from that so that she never knows. But, what happens then? Her life is here. Mine might be only five hours away, but there’s not a lot of down time. Sometimes Roman will call me at two in the morning and need me there. Moving here, and working for someone else holds little appeal and…
Just the thought of it makes me feel this fear bubble up inside of me.
My life is structured, routine is my friend. The thought of facing the unknown… It makes me weak as hell, but I don’t think I can. For Jessie I could try, but if I failed I’d be dragging her down with me. I’d allow that to taint her life and I can’t allow that.