That’s why when I find the pretty red bra, demi-cup and deliciously lacy, I decide it’s perfect for seduction. “This will do the trick.”
“Ooh la la,” Olivia says approvingly. She touches her finger to her tongue and then the air, making a sizzling sound. “But if you really like him, and I know you do, aren’t you better off asking him out on a regular date? Like, maybe during literally any other time of year?”
“What’s so wrong with trying for Valentine’s Day?”
She laughs. “You’re fighting a losing battle. If you truly want that man, you should seduce him at a hockey game.”
I stick out my tongue. “I disagree. If he can’t fall for the spirit of Valentine’s Day, then he’s not the man for me.”
“It’s that simple? V Day or bust?”
“Look, Valentine’s Day has been good to me. I won a scholarship for college on Valentine’s Day, I landed my first good makeup artist job on this day, and I saw Wicked on Valentine’s Day and went backstage to meet the woman who does the green makeup. It’s my good luck day.”
She rolls her eyes. “Every day is your good luck day.”
“True. I’m kind of made of sunshine. But that’s also why Valentine’s Day has to be it. I don’t need to convert the man, but I also don’t want to get involved with a man who’s stubborn and set in his ways. Think of it as the perfect litmus test. If he bends a little, I’ll know he has an open mind and heart. It’ll be a sign that he won’t shut me down. I don’t want to clash too much with him, so I need to know we can both bend a little.”
Olivia drops her hand over mine, stopping me. Her expression turns serious. “If you’re trying to win his heart, you shouldn’t use lingerie.”
I pout. “Why not?”
“How will you know it’s not simply sex if you’re seducing him with sex?”
I consider her question. Olivia has always been the quizzical, logical one. But even though I lead with enthusiasm—hello, I was a former cheerleader—I have plenty of logic in ye olde brain too.
And sometimes the way to a man’s heart starts with his other parts. “But maybe that is the way to his heart.”
And if it is, I wouldn’t mind finding out.
All I need is a sign from him.
From the texts of Ally & Miller
Ally: Did you hear the news?
Miller: There’s a new edition of Bananagrams? I am so on it. I’m going to the store right now. I can’t wait to spell “diphthong.”
Ally: You are ridiculous! As if that’s why I’m messaging you.
Miller: Then spill the beans. Why are you messaging me if it’s not for something as epic as a new board game? We could even play dirty words.
Ally: It’s amazing that you’re actually an adult.
Miller: Don’t say that word. Makes me feel like an old man.
Ally: Anyway, I was texting to tell you something fun. Drumroll . . . Kirby and I are doing a series of special videos. For . . . guess what?
Miller: Winter solstice? The next lunar eclipse? When the Yankees finally turn good again?
Ally: Please. That last one will never happen.
Miller: Don’t remind me. I know too well.
Ally: We’re doing a Valentine’s series of music videos.
Miller: Hell yeah! That’s only one of my favorite holidays.
Ally: Every holiday is your favorite holiday.
Miller: I believe in holidays. What can I say?
Ally: You are definitely a holiday lover.
Miller: Holidays, vacations, time off. I adore them all.
Ally: Time off from what?
Ally: Collecting royalties from all the hit songs you recorded from your hot boy-band days?
Miller: I’ve recorded plenty too in my hot man days.
Ally: True, some would say you’re still a heartthrob.
Miller: Once a heartthrob, always a heartthrob.
Ally: You said ‘throb.’
Miller: I’ve got a throb right here for ya, baby. :)
Ally: You’re too much. Anyway, it’s ironic because my brother is a total Vrooge. That’s what Macy calls him.
Miller: The Kirbster is a total Vrooge. And what’s the point in being that? V Day is all about love and sexy times and getting into the groove. That makes it a very good day.
Ally: I should have known you’d find a way to make it seem naughty.
Miller: Naughty valentines are the best kind.
Ally: Why do I even try to have a serious conversation with you?
Miller: Sorry, was this serious? My serious temperature taker said it was most decidedly not serious.
Ally: Like every conversation with you. :)
Miller: That’s why you love me.
Ally: I do love you. You’re the best friend a gal could have.
* * *
Miller: Note to self—remember that. Best friend a gal could have.
Miller: New note to self—there is nothing more that’s going to happen with Ally. Ever.
Miller: New new note to self—no matter how much you want to change her mind.
* * *
From the texts of Kirby & Macy