When I left Henry with an agreement to play an afternoon nine holes tomorrow, I considered checking every club in Manhattan to find her. There were too many clubs to do that, but that’s not what stopped me. What stopped me was feeling like a fucking mooning idiot.
Instead, I went home determined to watch porn so I could have a different image in my brain than Leah as I jerked off.
Once home, I poured a glass of scotch, and sat on the couch overlooking the city. If Valerie was watching me, she was laughing her tight ass off. She’d always thought I was too emotionally vulnerable.
“What we have is better than love and romantic mush,” she said one night after we tested a vibrating cock ring with clit stimulator.
“Oh?” She rolled off me and immediately went to her tablet to increase the order of the device. Apparently, she liked it, but didn’t bother to ask me if I did. Not that I hadn’t gotten off, but as cock rings went, it was only so-so.
“The only thing we can count on this world is money and sex. We’re going to be rolling in both.”
I’d known she wasn’t big on romance or sentiment when I married her, but I hadn’t realized until then that her feelings for me probably couldn’t even be called affection. She liked my big dick and business smarts. I’d been okay with that because at first, I’d believed her. I’m not sure when that had changed. I hadn’t met another woman to make me change my mind. Perhaps it meant that I needed more. Perhaps I needed love.
I snorted and downed my drink. I might have wanted love, but Valerie was right. It was better to focus on the tangible; money and orgasms. Even as I told myself that, the imagine of Leah, with her pretty eyes and sweet smile, filled my brain.
Henry’s comment about her came back to me, “She doesn’t think it’s normal for a man not to have someone to love or to love them back. She’s a bit of a romantic that way.” I wished she’d waited for a man like that to take her virginity. I’d handled that all wrong and her first time would now be remembered as being angry and painful.
“You’re such an asshole, Cox.” I regretted hurting her, but I had to hold on to the reality of the type of man I was. I couldn’t let myself wonder if she could love a man like me or that I could love her the way she deserved.
I rose from the couch and poured another glass of scotch. I took it with me to my bedroom, setting it on my bedside table as I got undressed and considered whether to watch a porn movie or stream porn on my laptop.
A knock on my door interrupted my porn debate. Swearing, I put my robe on and went to my front door. I couldn’t imagine who’d be at my place at nearly eleven at night. How did they even get in the building and up to my door without the doorman calling me?
I opened the door, and immediately my dick came to life. Leah stood looking so pretty, so wanton, and I knew I was truly fucked.
“What are you doing here? How’d you even get in?”
“I told the doorman I was your intern.”
I closed my eyes at the reminder that I was the clichéd older business man sleeping with his intern. I opened my eyes again. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Leah had never come to me before with a problem, but then we’d never been lovers before.
She nodded toward my dick, which was now peering out of my robe. “Has he been like that since earlier this evening?”
Anger and annoyance swirled in my gut. “Are you here to toy with me, Leah? Now that you’ve been thorough fucked, have you become a tease?”
Hurt flashed in her eyes. “You think I’m some kind of slut?”
“I think you get off on my response to you. I get an erection, okay.” I opened my robe so she could see the full Monty. “There. Congratulations. Maybe for once you can consider, though, that I don’t want this. I don’t want to risk my company or my friendship with Henry for a fuck.”
She jerked back as if I slapped her. Guilt flooded me, but God help me, I couldn’t afford what it would cost me to have her. And not just my business and Henry’s friendship, but something told me it could cost me my soul as well.
I wasn’t surprised that Sebastian pushed me away, but I was shocked at how he said it. There was anger, but also frustration and fear. And he was right. I was pushing him to do things he didn’t want to do, even if his body did. I guess I figured that I could wear him down. That if he really wanted me, he’d eventually give in.