“Didn’t you love each other?”
“Valerie and I cared about each other. We had mutual goals, which was to get rich selling sex. We both had large sexual appetites, hers larger than mine, requiring her to need additional…” He stopped as if he thought he was saying too much.
“She cheated on you?”
“No.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin. “It’s not cheating if you know and consent to it.”
I gaped at him. “You didn’t mind that your wife was with other men?”
He shook his head. “What she needed in bed was more than I could… or even wanted to give her. She gave me what I wanted and needed, so I was okay with that.”
“If you had kids, that would have changed, right?”
“There wasn’t going to be kids.” His voice was terse, as he finished his orange juice. He looked as if he wanted to bolt from the table.
“I’m sorry. My parents had me but then my mom got cancer the first time and they couldn’t have more. It was hard on them.”
“I don’t know if we could have had children or not. We didn’t get that far.”
I studied him. There was a bitterness in his tone that I couldn’t understand.
“Valerie didn’t want to be a mother. She wanted sex and money.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I stared into his stormy dark eyes and realized that Valerie’s refusal to have kids was a source of pain for him. Immediately I wanted to sooth his pain. And while I knew it was a waste of wishes, I wished I could give him what Valerie hadn’t; genuine love and a child.
I couldn’t figure out how I’d gotten here; breaking everyone of my rules. I’d kissed her senseless. I’d held her after fucking her senseless. And now, I’d let her stay the night. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I was sure I’d never find the love that Leah seemed to believe in, but I hadn’t ruled it out either. If it were any other woman, I might not feel as out of my element as I did with Leah. But, she was my intern. My best friend’s daughter, for God’s sake. Jesus, if Henry knew the things I’ve done to her, asked her to do to me, he’d kill me for sure. I was a forty-year-old man fucking a twenty-three-year-old girl like a pervert. And God help me, I couldn’t seem to let her go. Each time I fucked her, I thought I’d have my fill, but then I’d crave her even more.
When we weren’t fucking, she was sweet, smart, and funny, and I found myself wanting her to stick around just to talk with her.
But now we were delving into territory I didn’t want to go. Why I’d told her about my marriage and Valerie’s insistence that we wouldn’t have kids, I don’t know. Something about Leah seemed to scramble my brain.
“But you wanted kids?”
I could see in her eyes that she knew she was treading into areas of my life I didn’t want to go. “Maybe.”
“It’s not too late for you.”
God, I was truly fucked, because if she was getting a notion that she and I could live happily ever after, this was going to end badly. “Things change.”
She took a bite of bacon, but I knew she was just biding her time or trying to hide her need to grill me on my thoughts of marriage and family. I should’ve gotten up to leave, but I couldn’t allow myself to be such a big pussy about it.
“I don’t understand. You wanted more from your marriage, and now when you can go find it, you don’t?”
I nodded. “I think Val was right.” I lean forward resting my forearms on the table. “Seriously, what sort of father would I be? I make a living peddling sex. It’s not quite something that screams family values.”
“Oh, for the love of God.” She rolled her eyes.
I was surprised by her reaction and jerked back, not sure if I should be offended or amused.
“Sebastian, your own company mission is to take the taboo away from sex. And how do you think kids are made?”
“Kids are made from making love, not fucking.”
“That’s not always true, but even so, you’re saying your mission of making sex more mainstream is a farce. You don’t believe it?”
“It’s a marketing gimmick to sell dildos, Leah. You should understand that by now.”
She looked at me like I’d grown a third eye. Good. I didn’t need her believing in true love and all that bullshit, at least when it came to me.
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re full of shit, Sebastian.”
For the second time that morning she nearly knocked me out of my seat.
“All that is just an excuse because for some reason you want to believe the crap your wife sold you.”