I pray he does.
“You hear from her?”
Lucias just shrugs his shoulders without answering me, continuing to flip through the channels on the tv.
It pisses me off that Julie calls him, but I haven’t heard anything recently about her calling. I should be happy she stopped, but I can’t keep from asking.
“Just answer the fucking question,” I snap at him, frustration getting the best of me.
“No, she hasn’t, not since the last time you fucking snapped when she called me. She heard you, Savage, but what the fuck does it matter anyway? You’re no good for her.” He continues flipping through the channels like we aren’t talking about the most important thing in my life.
His words sting, but it’s true. I can’t get mad at him for saying it.
“And don’t start that shit either. I don’t mean because you’re a little uglier now, I mean because your ass won’t get off this fucking couch and get your life together. You need to talk to someone about your nightmares and these serious anger issues you got going on. Maybe even start going to all these fucking doctors’ appointments you’re supposed to, and I don’t know, maybe stop with all the fucking pain pills and whiskey you shove down your goddamn throat.”
He throws the remote onto the coffee table, finally looking at me.
“You’re not the only one who lost something that day. Did you lose more? Fuck yeah, you did, but this person sitting on the couch next to me, I do not fucking know. It blows my mind you’d do this to that girl. You’re going to kick yourself in the ass for this one day. And have you forgotten your brothers need you? I need you. There’s so much shit going on around here with my father’s club, and I need you at my back. But you’re just going to abandon us like this after everything? Are you still lying out there in that desert? I’m pretty sure I remember dragging your ass out of there, but from the looks of it, I’m not sure who the hell came back from that place.”
“I’m no good for her.” It’s all I can bring myself to say because I know he’s right.
“At this moment in time I’m inclined to agree with you, but you could be good enough for her if you tried. You haven’t fought even a little for her, so you’re right; you’re no good for her.”
His words burn and drive me to pick up the pill bottle next to me. They’re for the pain, but I don’t think the doc realizes I’m not using them for the external pain anymore. They numb me and help me forget all I’ve lost.
“I love her so goddamn much, Lucias, I just want what’s best for her.”
“Then be what’s best for her.”
Popping the top of the bottle, I look down at the pills. I stare at them for a second and put the lid back on. I throw the bottle over to Lucias, and he snatches it with one hand.
“Get me the cards the doctor gave me, I’ll make some calls.”
I have to at least try. For her.
“Push, push, push, push!” the trainer screams at me, making my head pound. Dropping the weighted bar, I let out a string of curses. I’ve been at this for fucking months, and I don’t even feel close to having my strength back.
“You’re doing it all wrong,” Lucias says, strolling into the gym. “Watch and learn, I’ll teach you how you control a savage.” He smirks, thinking he’s being clever. The name has really started to stick, it seems.
“Get back under there; I’ll get you to lift it.” He nods for me to lie back on the bench.
Lying down, I grip the bar, trying to push it up. It comes off an inch, but I can’t seem to get it to move any more.
“I saw your shortcake today. I think she was on a date with some preppy-looking guy. What’s with all these stupid fucks popping their collars? Don’t they know they look like dipshits?”
Anger rushes through my body at Lucias’s words.
“See? Told you.”
It’s then I realize I have the bar fully extended out.
“Do I get a cut of your pay or something? Or does the insurance company just pay me direct for doing your job?” Lucias asks the trainer with a smirk on his face, one I’m about to remove with my foot.
I drop the bar back down and go to make a grab for him, but he sidesteps me.
“I was just fucking around, Savage. I didn’t see your girl.”
I give him a hard look, but I feel a smile hit the side of my mouth.
“One step closer,” he says, and I nod at him in agreement.
“The nightmares are easing off, but I’m still having about one a week,” I tell the doc, trying to get her to understand. I don’t care that I’m having less, I need to be having none.
“Abraham,” she says, putting her pad down on her desk. “We have come so far, you’ve gone from having them every night to having them once a week. That’s a huge improvement in such a short period, but you’ve got to give it more time.”
She’s been saying this for weeks, but it feels like it’s been months. Each day I’m away from Julie feels like an eternity. I have to get this a hundred percent under control before I go for her. When I have the nightmares, I lose control.
“You need to give yourself more credit. You’ve made significant progress, and with your positive attitude and hard work, I have no doubt you’ll make a full recovery. Just don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes you’ll have setbacks, but that doesn’t mean you’ll go back to square one. We’ll keep working at this until you’re healthy.”
“How much longer, doc?”
“Only time will tell, Abraham.”
“You’ve really made a miracle recovery. All your burns have healed nicely, with no infections, and your strength has come back a lot quicker than we thought it would,” Dr. Fields says as he flips through my file. Easy for him to say, the scars don’t look like they’ve healed so nicely to me, but that’s really neither here nor there right now.