I decide to let my stress go for the time being, and focus on the instant moment instead. There’s nothing better than wallowing and watching your favorite movies with your best friend.
However, time passes all too fast, and waking up the next day, I still feel semi-awful. It’s hard to get up and face life when all you want to do is continue ordering pizza and watching movies in bed. But I’ve got to pick myself up somehow, so I force myself to get out of bed, pushing my purple comforter aside. I step silently but purposefully on the teddy bear that Xavier got me for our anniversary. It’s such a satisfying feeling and I smile grimly at its squashed face.
I decide to start with a shower to rejuvenate myself. I want to feel my absolute best today. Walking to the bathroom, I quietly grab my towel and close the door. I undo my ponytail and my curls spill out over my shoulders messily. I look at myself in the mirror, thinking I look a little rough but, overall, not as bad as Xavier made me feel.
I step into the tub and take a long, steamy shower, washing every part of him off of me once and for all. I get out, drying myself curves off. Then, I go back into my room, walk to my vanity, and sit down at the mirror, examining my face. Maybe Xavier just didn’t appreciate a good thing when he had it. Sure, I’m bigger than someone like Courtney, but I don’t think I’m ugly. I blow-dry my hair, putting product in it to give my curls definition and make them shiny and bouncy.
“Yo, how’s it going?” Micky asks from the doorway. Of course, my best friend looks like a model ready for a runway show despite just waking up.
“Good. I was just thinking, I can’t believe I was with him for an entire year and didn’t realize he wanted someone athletic. I wish he would have just told me earlier.”
Micky nods while rolling her eyes.
“I know. That guy’s such a loser, but he’s in your past now. Just let it go. Besides, that Courtney girl has legs like tree trunks from all that soccer. Hopefully she gets kicked in the face soon.”
“No!” I giggle. “Oh my god, that’s so mean.”
Mick merely giggles in return.
“Yeah, but don’t you wish a little that that happens? Just a teeny bit?”
I laugh again.
“Yeah, I guess. We’re so mean, Mick. Seriously, we should go to jail.”
While we talk, I finish doing my hair and make-up, applying my foundation, mascara, and eyeliner. Micky watches with curiosity but doesn’t say anything at first. I don’t usually wear this much make-up; usually I hardly wear any, in fact. I put on glittery eye shadow and a dark rosy lipstick. Looking in the mirror, I make a face at myself. Hopefully, I don’t look like a drag queen right now.
I go to my dresser and pull out all of my lingerie, tossing the heap onto the bed. Some of this shit is brand new, but that’s not what I’m looking for right now. Instead, I pull out a pink set, a red set, and a lacy white set. Ugh. These are the ones that I wore the most when I was with Xavier. I toss them into the trash, and then bang the trash lid shut. Good riddance.
Then, I lay out my best lingerie: a purple lace bra and panty set, an emerald green one, and a striking black negligee. I also bring my sexiest stilettos from out of the back of the closet, happy that they are finally going to get some use.
Micky has moved from the middle of the room to the bed, and I can tell she is very curious.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly are your plans for the day?” She raises her eyebrows and smiles as she points to the lingerie.
I grimace a little.
“I made an appointment to get boudoir photos taken for Xavier’s birthday. I was going to give him the photos as his birthday present. How lame, right? So cheesy.” I roll my eyes as I say this, considering the fact that he never deserved these photos.
“Can’t you cancel?”
I shake my head.
“No. I can’t cancel now because I put down a five hundred dollar deposit with the photo studio. And honestly, I don’t want to cancel.”
After all, I was getting excited thinking about the photo session. Why should I cancel? Do I really think that Xavier would have even appreciated the snaps? I walk over to my duffle bag and dump everything in. Micky nods, understanding that I need to do this for myself.
“You go girl. Work it for the camera. You’ll love how you feel.”
I smile, still a bit grim.
“Thanks Mick. I’ll see you later. I’ll let you know how it goes!”