That makes me pause. Mulling over his words, I move my gaze to his. “You know, I’ve never actually had fantasies like that before. At least not until that first night you took me to the club. I guess that was enough to open me up, though.”
August’s chin pulls inward, surprise clear in his expression. “You’ve never had sexual fantasies before? Not even with other partners?”
I nibble on my lower lip, wondering how lame this is going to make me sound. “I’ve never been with anyone other than you,” I say bluntly. “Well, unless you count Declan. He’s technically only the second sexual partner I’ve ever had.”
August’s hand falls from my neck, and he reels backward in his seat. “What? Never?”
It’s clear I’ve thrown him for a loop. My voice is dry, my tone flat. “Well, being in hiding isn’t exactly conducive to relationships. Besides, I was pregnant, then I was a single mom running for my life. I’ve spent years looking over my shoulder at anyone who seemed to study me a little too long or with too much interest. Makes it hard for someone to approach me since I’m always running in the opposite direction because I’m scared. Naturally, I haven’t been with anyone else. How could I?”
August’s mouth falls open. “Ten years without sex?”
I don’t like the judgment in his tone. As if there is something wrong with me for not dating. For not having sex.
“I guess I’m making up for it, right?” I snap. “Thanks for the lessons. And thank your buddy for me, too.”
I pull hard at the door to open it up. Before I can step out, August is pulling me back in. His hands go to my face and he forces my eyes to his, leaning in toward me so our mouths are close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound so censuring. I just assumed—”
“What? That I got over you and moved on the way you did? Sorry, but that didn’t happen for me.”
When I pull away, he doesn’t resist, letting me go.
Which is for the best.
It’s been five days since the threesome with Leighton and Declan and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Or rather, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Leighton.
The whole experience was amazing. It wasn’t my first threesome, but it could potentially be my last. I’m not sure I could ever top that. Watching Leighton completely unravel and give over to the pleasure while having four seismic orgasms because she let herself be free.
But moreover, I’m not sure I can return to that situation again because of the massive amount of guilt pressing down on me.
Leighton wasn’t ready. I pushed her to take a step that was far beyond her abilities.
Honest to fuck, had I known she’d had no sexual experience beyond what we had together when we were teenagers, I never would have brought her into The Wicked Horse at all.
While the sex we’d had when we were young was good—because we were young and everything about sex was good—we weren’t overly experimental. I don’t think anyone at that age is. Our sex was sweet and vanilla because we were in love. There were a few times Leighton would tentatively stroke my cock with her hand or I would finger her not knowing what I was doing, but, for the most part, neither of us knew what the fuck we were doing.
And then I just pushed her right into another man’s arms. She sucked a man’s cock for the first time—and it wasn’t mine. Declan has had something from Leighton that I’ve never had.
It burns. Bad.
Knowing the only other sexual partner she’s had was Declan twists my gut. Had I not pushed her into it, I would have remained her sole sexual experience. I fucked up the purity of what we had… and fuck if that doesn’t grate. I had just assumed she had been sexually active all these years. Now that I know different, there’s no single reason why I should be feeling so proprietary over the sanctity of our memories.
It’s not like we are together. Hell, it’s not like we’re even monogamous. Technically, I can go to the club and fuck whoever I want whenever I want, and there wouldn’t be a thing wrong with it since Leighton and I have made no commitments to each other.
And yet, I think there’s something to be said for the fact I’m not at The Wicked Horse right now. Instead, I’m sitting in my driveway pondering how the fuck I can get up the courage to go inside my house and talk to her.
We’ve not seen each other much since our last night together. She spent the next two evenings at the hospital with Sam, then I had the two evenings after that. Our meetings when we changed shifts and our run-ins at the house were brief and awkward.