I took a deep breath, and summoned my courage. We couldn’t keep side-stepping around each other in this tiny apartment. “Damn it, Logan. Stop holding back. I know you feel something for me.” I’d laid all my cards on the table, my heart thumping while I waited to hear his response.
“Ashlyn,” he pleaded, his voice cracking. “I can’t do this…”
“Why?” I challenged. I knew damn well the reasons why we shouldn’t be together, but I wanted to hear his version. Then I could poke holes in his argument. I was tired of my neat, orderly life, of never stepping out of line. Not to mention, the wine I’d had earlier had provided some much needed liquid courage.
He released a slow breath, stalling for more time. “I’ve tried to hold part of myself back from you, to not get emotionally attached in case I woke up one day and I remembered I had a wife and three kids at home.”
Ouch, that stung. I stared up at him wondering where we’d go from here. If I was the sane and logical person I’d always claimed to be, I’d walk away, end this charade now. But of course I couldn’t. I was in too deep for that.
Logan raked a hand through his hair. “And I thought that if I didn’t let you touch me, I wouldn’t be as involved, but I was wrong. Bringing you pleasure, seeing how responsive you are to me, watching you come.” He closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts. “You’re beautiful, Ashlyn, and smart, and sweet. It’s impossible to be here with you and not develop feelings for you. But I won’t let myself hurt you.”
My chest felt tight, and I swallowed thickly. “I’d rather be hurt all at once for a specific reason, than be hurt slowly every day.”
“Don’t.” He frowned, but his eyes softened just enough for me to see that his resolve was falling away.
“You kicked my date out.” I pouted, even though I wasn’t the least bit sorry to see Jason go. That doesn’t mean that Logan shouldn’t feel bad.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “I’m done fighting myself. And my willpower is shot after seeing you with that tool.” He shook his head trying to erase the image of me with Jason.
I let my hand trail down his side, tracing the script over his ribcage as I caressed him. He let out a heavy exhale. When I reached his hips, and the waistband of his shorts, he reached for my hand to stop me, his eyes pleading with mine in a silent battle. He wanted me to continue, but he thought the right thing to do was to stop. Screw right and wrong. I knew what I wanted, what I needed. Logan.
I shook my head slowly. “Let me.”
His hand fell away from mine, and relief crossed his face. I stroked his growing erection through the gym shorts and his lips parted to suck in a quick breath. Maybe this is what I needed to do with him all along: take control so that he didn’t have to stop to think about what we were doing. He gripped my wrist, holding my hand in place, not allowing me to move, but also not pushing me away.
It was official –I’d lost all cognitive thought, all sense of reason. There was only Logan. I wanted to please him, to taste every inch of his skin and hear his dirty endearments at the pleasure my mouth could provide. He turned on something strange and exciting inside me. Something dark that I knew I shouldn’t explore, yet felt compelled to discover. I’d played it safe for too damn long. I wanted to experience this man. Common sense be damned.
I began to ease the shorts down over his hips, but he lifted my chin and shook his head. He pressed a quick kiss to my mouth and whispered, “Not yet. I want to make you come first.”
Oh, not again. I was bound and determined to drive him insane with pleasure, and as difficult as his offer was to refuse, I shook my head. “Not this time. You first.”
I dropped to my knees on the floor and tugged his shorts down so that his erection sprang free. Everything about this man was gorgeous, even his cock was beautiful. It was thicker and longer than any I’d seen before and was as hard as a rock. The head glistened with a drop of fluid and I brought my tongue forward to taste it. He moaned at the sensation.
I’d never particularly enjoyed giving blowjobs before, but I wanted to taste and savor every inch of him and arouse every response of pleasure I could. I flicked my tongue back and forth along the head, teasing him. He groaned and gripped his cock in one hand, and stroked my jaw with the other. “Open,” he commanded.
A rush of wetness dampened my panties at his tone. I loved it when he took charge. I met his eyes and obeyed, opening as wide as I could while he eased himself forward into my mouth. The image of his fist gripping his cock as he slid it in and out of my mouth made me moan each time he retreated. I gripped his thighs, running my nails against his skin. His muscles were tensed and tight with the effort of holding himself steady. I continued sucking him into my mouth, while letting my hands explore his stomach, his ass, cupping his firm sack.
I closed my hand around his and began stroking the length of his shaft while he watched my mouth and tongue lap circles around the sensitive head. He fed his length into my mouth, and sucked in a hiss. “Oh, fuck,” he breathed, heavily. I must have made a noise because his gaze collided with mine. “That’s right, baby.”
His pace increased and his breathing grew heavier. My jaw ached, but I didn’t dare stop now. Suddenly he withdrew from my mouth causing a loud suckling sound at the unexpected retreat. I looked up at him, his cock hard and damp with my saliva.
“Come here,” he growled, hauling me to my feet. He pressed several soft kisses against my damp swollen lips, his way of thanking me for the oral affection. I smiled at him like a schoolgirl proud of her test score. He reached behind me to unzip my dress, and I helped him pull it down so I could step out of it.
I stood before him in a pair of black lace panties and a matching bra. His hands skidded down my sides, past my hips and gripped my ass, hauling me against him.
He pulled up his shorts and I was about to protest, when he took my hand and led me into the bedroom. The mental image of him trying to walk to my room with his shorts around his ankles made me smile.
When we reached the bed, he unclasped my bra and pulled it from my shoulders, lovingly stroking me with his fingertips as he did. Then he bent down and lowered my panties until they dropped to the floor and I could step out of them. He kissed and nuzzled against my neck and collarbone, while his hands caressed my backside.
I kissed him for a few minutes more, and then tugged him closer to the bed. I pulled him down on top of me until his body hovered over mine, wrapping my legs around his back, I locked my ankles together and pulled him in close.
I ground against him while trying to tug his shorts down. His breathing accelerated and his mouth hovered just over mine. “Ashlyn, are you sure?”
“I want you, Logan.” I kissed him again. Hard.
A broken plea fell from his lips. “Because if you have any doubts…we need to stop now.”
“Please don’t,” I said. He stilled.
“I mean please don’t stop, Logan.”
That had a profound effect on him. He pushed his shorts down over his hips, his freed cock heavily resting against my belly. I snaked my hand between our bodies and stroked him.
He groaned and looked down at me with wonder while I continued my long, easy strokes. “Ashlyn, I need to be inside you,” he murmured, peppering my mouth with kisses.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He pulled back and lifted himself off of me. “Do you have protection?”
I hadn’t thought about that. I shook my head. I hadn’t had a use for condoms since I never really dated.
He closed his eyes. “It’s not you. I just…I don’t know where I’ve been.”
Oh. “Logan. I read in your file, they tested you for all kinds of things. You’re clean.” Way to kill the romance, Ashlyn.
He breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s…good, right?”
I kissed his lips. “That’s very good, because so am I. And I’m also on the pill.” I’d been taking it for years to regulate my erratic periods.
Nothing stood between us now except for the butterflies that danced in my stomach. I didn’t want to examine too closely what this act of intimacy between us might mean. I knew what we were about it do would deepen my connection to Logan. I wasn’t sure what it might mean, or not mean to him. His lack of availability terrified me and I was beginning to dread the day he remembered his former life. Would he still be here with me?
“Hey, are you okay?” He noticed my distraction and kissed my temple.
“Yes,” I answered, masking my insecurity. I knew it was selfish to want to keep him with me, especially if it turned out he had loved ones waiting for him, but that wouldn’t stop me from enjoying him while I could.
He brushed a strand of my hair back from my face, and stared into my eyes. The dim moonlight restricted my view, but I could see just enough of him. The green flecks in his eyes, his firm, muscled chest, the ink over his ribs, the flat plain of his stomach, and his impressive cock. I let my eyes drift closed, and savored his attention. I relaxed into the moment and attempted to commit this to memory.
Logan had other ideas, he moved down my body, kissing his way across my chest, my stomach, my hips… then he stopped. I raised up on my elbows and looked down. He met my eyes and smiled. “I want you to watch me get you off. You’re beautiful when you come.”
My cheeks flushed. Crap! What did I look like when I came? Then his tongue slid across me and I forgot about being self-conscious. I watched as he used broad strokes of his tongue to gently lap against me. The sensation coupled with the visual was overwhelming. I let out a soft murmur and shifted, trying to get closer. He brought his hands to my hips and pulled me in closer to his face, then held me in place while he maintained his lazy pace, his tongue providing the most exquisite torture as he licked, suckled, and nipped at my sensitive clit.
I squeezed my eyes closed and let my head fall back, concentrating on the sensations.
Logan stopped suddenly. “Open them. Open your eyes.”
I looked down at him and he once again started his slow torture, licking his warm tongue up the length of my wetness. His pace increased and so did my panting. It had never been like this for me before. I felt like I could come undone and never came down from my high.
Much more of this and I was going to come. “Logan,” I called out.
His eyes lifted to watch me. His attention didn’t let up, his mouth creating a gentle suction against me and a few seconds later, I was panting and writhing against him. He held me in place, his eyes locked on mine.
I exploded into a million pieces, calling out his name over and over again. I collapsed back onto the pillow as Logan kissed his way up my body. When he reached my mouth, he was smiling. “Beautiful girl, let me fuck you now.”
“Yes,” I moaned, reaching for his cock. He was still hard as steel and ready for me.
He lay down on the bed beside me and pulled me on top of him until I was straddling him.
Oh. This wasn’t really the position I had in mind. I wasn’t good at being the one in control, and he was by far the largest man I’d been with, so I wasn’t entirely sure how this position was going to work. I sat across his hips, facing him while he nuzzled against my breasts and kissed me.
He gripped my hips, and lifted me up, positioning the head of his cock at my opening. He slid himself against my wetness, preparing his cock to slide inside me. I groaned at the sensation.
I was about to beg when he finally eased the head several inches inside me. I gasped at the fullness. I felt stretched to capacity. “Logan, ah…”
He groaned deeply, his masculine tone rumbling through me. “Too much, baby?”
“Yeah,” I moaned.
“Fuck, you’re tight.” He pulled out just a bit.
His voice shot a pulse of desire through me. I wanted more. I wanted to be completely filled up by him and hear him curse and moan at the pleasure of being inside me. He lifted me up off his cock so just the tip was still inside me, and allowed me to get used to his size. Then he pushed himself up, sinking several inches into me once again.
I sucked in a breath and held it.
“Christ, Ashlyn,” he growled, “are you sure this is okay?”
I nodded tightly, needing to concentrate.
“Breathe, baby.” He lifted my hips off him, easing the sensation just a little. “I feel like I’m hurting you.”
I sucked in a deep breath at his command “No.” I gazed down at him, and ran my hands over his chest. “I like it…you’re just…big.”
He grinned, a cocky half smile. “But you like it?”
“Yeah,” I breathed.
He thrust into me carefully, pushing in and then withdrawing with an easy rhythm. His breathing was rough and heavy as if the act of holding back was torturous for him. Once seated deep inside, he pulled me down across his chest and held me, kissing my lips in between his gentle thrusts. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”
“Logan,” I groaned.
He responded with a groan of his own. “Can you handle more, sweetheart?”
More? He wasn’t all the way in yet? I nodded, rubbing my cheek against his.
He held me in place while he pushed in farther. His eyes drifted closed with pleasure as he sunk all the way into me. I whimpered with a mix of pleasure and pain as he secured me over the top of him and thrust into me at a faster pace.
My whimpers grew louder and his breaths came in heavy pants against my neck. I felt so close to him just then, with the smell of his aftershave intoxicating me and his rough stubble brushing against my neck. It was the most intimate act we could share.
He brushed his fingertips over my cheek and met my eyes in a tender moment. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I love it.”
He smiled. “Good. Because I love being inside you.” He kissed me once more and in one smooth motion, rolled us over on the bed so that I was underneath him.