I grab my list and start dialing again, only to be interrupted by Bonnie’s voice filtering through the intercom.
“Chief, there’s an out of towner here saying that his fiancée got kidnapped.”
I throw down my pen. At this rate, it’ll be midnight before I get home. In the front I find a country club boy standing impatiently at the receiving counter. He’s banging his finger impatiently on the countertop. “I need to make a report.”
“And here’s the form.” Bonnie pushes the paper in front of him. He brushes it aside, but before he can say another word, I take a step behind Bonnie and lean forward, shielding her with my body.
“What’s the problem?”
“The problem is this woman isn’t taking me seriously,” the blowhard snaps. “My fiancée has been kidnapped and the more that you sit on your donut ass, the farther away she gets.”
Bonnie tips her head toward me with a get a load of this guy look in her eyes.
“What’s her name and description?”
“Khloe Martins. She’s five foot six with blond hair, with not much of a rack and a fat ass. She could stand to lose a few pou—“
I punch him then. While the ex-boyfriend stumbles back and then collapses on his flat ass, Bonnie opens a report form on her computer.
“A request for maintenance?” I read on the top of the form.
“There’s obviously something wrong with the floor. That man tripped and fell. We can’t have hazards here in the police station,” she says innocently.
“Very true.” I give her shoulder a squeeze and then round the counter to go crouch by the still dazed ex. I dial up Khloe’s number. She answers right away.
“I’m at your house,” she says, panning the phone around my living room.
“I know. I put a tracker in your purse.”
“You what?” she screeches.
“Before we get into that, I wanted to ask if you know this guy?” I turn on the video and point the camera to the ex’s face.
“Oh my God, is that Derrick?”
“Is Derrick the ex?”
“Yes, but where are you and why is he on the floor and is that blood on his face?” She moves her head from side to side as if she can see more if she catches the right angle.
“He’s here at the station reporting a kidnapping of his fiancée.” I tap Derrick’s cheek and his eyelids flutter open. “He has blood on his face because I punched him.”
“The man tripped on a cracked tile and fell,” yells Bonnie. “There was no police violence here!”
“Did Dane punch someone?” says a woman sounding suspiciously like Connie.
“Let me see.”
There’s some shoving and all of a sudden Tina’s and Connie’s faces appear next to Khloe’s on the screen.
“Uh…” I’m at a loss for words.
Bonnie cackles. “Told you there were women at your place.”
“Is that your ex, Khloe?” asks Tina.
“Hit him for me,” yells Connie. “That bastard slept with her mom.”
“Her mom?” echoes Bonnie.
“Please don’t broadcast that everywhere,” Khloe groans.
“Honey, it’s not a reflection on you,” Tina says. “It shows what a bastard your ex is and what a bitch your mom is.”
“Yeah, this isn’t your fault. Would you tell an abused person they were at fault? No. It’s the abuser who’s in the wrong. You’re the victim,” Connie declares.
“She’s not the victim,” cries Derrick. “She wouldn’t ever put out and her mom came on to me. I was the victim.” He pounds his chest. “Me. It was me.”
I shut him up with another fist to his mouth. His head flops back onto the tile with a thud.
“Wow. It’s really fucked up in your office, Chief. Can’t believe a piece of tile flew up and struck that guy right in the mouth.” Connie shakes her head.
Tina clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “I’m going to call City Council tomorrow and ask that they allocate some funds for renovation. The police station is a danger in its present state. Bye now.”
They hang up on me. I run a hand through my hair. I’m glad Khloe is making friends with my people, but the three of them are a handful. Over my shoulder I hear Bonnie gasping for air.
“Sorry,” she says, waving a hand in front of her face. “Just knowing that you have to go home to those three and your mom is making my day.”
“So glad I could be of service,” I reply sourly.
“Working for you is a treat, Chief. A real treat. Should I call the EMTs?”
“He slept with your mom?”
I groan, falling back onto the sofa at Tina’s question. What is he even doing here?! I’d left my house this afternoon so this wouldn’t happen. Of course Derrick showed up at the police station and walked right into Dane’s fist. I never said he was the brightest bulb in the bunch.
“Yes, he slept with my mom.” I let out a long sigh.