Oh God, I can’t believe I even could think like that. It’s too disrespectful. I guess that will never be me.
“Yeah, we’ll see,” I eventually declare. “Could be a laugh, but I hear that you guys are trouble.”
“Stop it you lot,” Tamara shouts over us all. “You never know, Landon might want to talk. He might need a shoulder to cry on at the end of his marriage, so why don’t you all stop being such bitches.”
Her words make everyone fall in to silence, one that could be flooded with guilt if everyone didn’t immediately burst out laughing only moments later. Of course, I don’t intend on bursting in to tears at work. No way. That isn’t me. It isn’t any of us really. We just aren’t like that. I didn’t cry even at first when it all fell apart with Jane. I just accepted it as the truth now. We were immediately not going to be together anymore, I couldn’t stay with a cheat, no way. I just went to work and carried on as normal. It took everyone a while to even know that something was going on. But that isn’t an issue, I don’t love talking about my feelings either. That’s just the way that I am.
Even if it hurt me bad, even if Jane made sure that I don’t want anyone else for a very long time, I still don’t need to sit around and bleat out my feelings about it. I would much rather just get on with it all. Especially now all this time later. Only my work is the same, everything else has changed so the fresh start will be good for me.
“”Let’s get back to work, shall we?” I rolled my eyes and laughed, joining in with the joke a bit. “We don’t need to talk about my new house like it’s the end of me and Jane. That was forever ago. I’m okay to not think of her.”
“Yeah, but now you’ve escaped her completely,” Tamara reminded me kindly. “This is a good thing.”
She’s right. Jane doesn’t know where I live and she won’t come to my work. She has made that mistake before and it didn’t end well. Now I have a new cell phone number and blocked her from all of my social media, so she can’t hassle me that way any longer either. I can shake off the shackles that she shoved me under and start being free at long last. I smile genuinely to myself, happy for the first time in a very long time. I didn’t quite realize how broken I was during my time with her. But now I understand how she put me under the constant stress, but thankfully now it’s all gone. I see it for how it really was.
Perhaps that’s the issue with Esme as well. Maybe that’s why I feel a connection with her. It could be she has had someone bringing her down, harassing her and making her life hell. Maybe I can give her some advice so she doesn’t get stuck in it when she doesn’t have to be for a very long time like I did. Jane and I should have cut all contact the moment we spilt up, we shouldn’t have gotten embroiled in a toxic divorce, I shouldn’t have let her rant at me all those times… but I’m not broken anymore. I’m stronger. Better.
It’s all done now and it’s time for me to move on at long last. If I can help someone else come to that conclusion much quicker than I did then I will be very happy about that.
Chapter 3 – Esme
“It’s bull shit, absolute bull shit. I can’t handle this anymore, Esme. This is going to leave us in trouble…”
I clutch my folders closer to my chest, too afraid to ask what that means. He has been yelling at me about money for a long time, so does that mean we are in a lot of financial difficulty? If this company folds, just like many have done ever since the recession hit just over a decade ago, then I don’t know what I would do. I’ll really be stuck. Every reason why I haven’t told my boss to stick his job yet will happen anyway. I might lose my house if that happens.
“How the fuck am I going to get all of our clients back, Esme? How will I make up for your mistakes?”
“I… I…” I want to mention the cheaper materials, I feel like I should since Delia mentioned them, but I can’t
“I don’t know how to deal with this. Honestly, I don’t know why I put up with it all. I mean, how am I supposed to keep a business afloat when you can’t even get the simplest of tasks right? I should fire you…”