Weariness blocks my vision as I drive home. It’s hard to keep my eyes open to be honest, it feels dangerous to be driving, but I don’t have any choice. I have finally escaped the hell of being around Mr. Jones and I don’t want to stick around for another second longer. I have considered sleeping in the office before, or in my car in the parking lot, just because he has made me so tired, but I’ve never followed through with that. He scares me too much.
“Home at last,” I mutter thickly to myself as I pull the car to a stop. Sometimes I’m amazed by the miracle that I haven’t smashed in to the side of my house yet. I guess my conscious down there somewhere takes charge however shattered I am because I don’t have the means to afford any repairs on the house at all. “Time for some rest.”
It’s not much of a life, is it? Home and then work, then straight back to home again. I don’t feel like it’s an ideal situation, but it’s all that I got. When people discuss perfecting a work life balance, it makes me want to laugh. I mean, what would that even entail of? Things I can only dream about as I crash to sleep hard.
“No neighbors,” I mutter to myself as I pass their house. It isn’t just the darkness of the house that confirms that fact for me, it’s the truck gone from the drive way. I would imagine that the hot fire fighter would be at work, but then where is his girlfriend? Maybe they are out having a romantic dinner or something, the sort of thing that couples do. I clutch on to my stomach with hunger rocketing through me as I wonder what that would even look like, being taken out for dinner. Most nights, it’s just ramen instant noodles for me because I don’t have the energy to cook.
Anyway, I’m used to no neighbors, that isn’t an issue for me. It’s good because if they are the partying late nights and making a lot of noise, then it’s going to be a real issue for me. I don’t think that I will be able to hack it. I’m not a yelling, confrontational type at work, but if the people living next door to me push me to the edge, there is no guarantee that I won’t become that here. I just don’t need any more stress in my life. I am at my limit, always.
With a deep sigh, I head inside and plod up the stairs as if my legs are made from lead. I know exactly where I’m headed and nothing will hold me back. After that shit storm of a day, I need a hot bubble bath to wash it all off. Hopefully, then I will just sleep and dream about anything other than Mr. Jones’ reign of terror.
My eyes threaten to close at the relaxing sound of the water pouring in to the bath tub, and even peeling my clothing off to stand in the bathroom stark naked doesn’t assist in keeping me awake. It’s just good that I have decided to bring my cell phone in to the bathroom with me to give me something to focus on. I don’t normally do that because this is my time and I like that to be without technology and the risk of work contacting me, but tonight I need to. Ever since Delia found Theo online, I have wanted to look him up myself in the privacy of my own home.
Yes, that makes me a crazy person, I know that much, and virtually a stalker, especially since he has a girlfriend, but he doesn’t have to know. This can just be a delicious little secret for myself. It can be the closest thing that I get to a man without actually having to try and master dating around my bull shit job…
Oh no, that actually sounds even worse. It’s nearly sickeningly tragic, just like my life. Still, it doesn’t stop me from diving right in to his social media sites as soon as I am in the safety of the water, to take a look at him.
“Oh wow.” I touch his face on the screen. “He is stunning. Like a freaking God.”
He looks like the guys that are seen on a fire fighter calendar, not the sort of person that I would ever expect to really work for the fire department. He’s a model, a dream come true, and it stirs me all up inside. He doesn’t seem to be vain either. The pictures of him are all posted by his friends and he doesn’t respond to all of the comments telling him how hot he is. I can’t help but notice that there isn’t any sign of his girlfriend, like Delia stated, but I guess she really is just super private. I mean, I understand that, I don’t post a lot about myself either because I don’t want people to know. Maybe I would be more in to selfies if I looked like her, but there has to be a reason.