“Imagine yourself floating in the ocean. Go on and close your eyes, everyone.” The instructor’s voice was soft, and I followed her command with pleasure. I had been ready to close my eyes as soon as she started showing us charts and photos of the labor process. I wanted to burn the images from my mind. I’d tried to look away, but Lucky had pinched me and given me a look. “Now imagine that you are surrounded by warm calming water. And think nice pleasurable thoughts. Think of your loved one. Think of how much fun it is going to be when you bring your little one home. And just keep thinking those thoughts.”
I laid back with my eyes closed and imagined Lucky and I playing in the backyard with Skylar and Noah. Lucky would be playing with the kids, while Noah and I grilled burgers and hot dogs. I paused as I thought about the scene—something was missing. I thought for a moment, and then I added Robin to the image in my mind. Lucky and Robin would be playing with the kids, while Noah and I grilled. I smiled as I pictured myself grabbing Lucky and sneaking her upstairs to the bedroom for a quickie, while Robin and Noah looked after the kids. That would be hot and needed. I was already worried about how much sex Lucky and I would be having after she had the babies. The doctor had said that it could be months before Lucky would be able to and wanted to have sex. I wasn’t sure she had appreciated me asking him that question, but I’d wanted to know.
“Are you feeling calm?” Her voice sounded soothing, and I felt myself drifting off. This class wasn’t so bad after all. The floor wasn’t super comfortable, but I suppose beggars couldn’t be choosers. I wasn’t sure why I had been so loath to come with Lucky, this was really not bad at all. I was imagining what Lucky was going to do to me tonight to thank me for coming with her when someone starting screaming loudly.
“What the fuck?” I shouted as I sat forward, blinking rapidly as I looked around the room. There were several couples looking at me in distaste, and one stuck-up looking redhead was shaking her head at me. I could almost hear her thoughts. “He’s going to be a bad dad,” she was thinking. I looked at Lucky and she glared at me and I gave her a lopsided grin. “Oops, sorry everyone.” I apologized to the instructor and she gave me a small patient smile.
“That’s okay, Mr. Beaumont. Now you know what your babies are thinking, folks. The birthing process is just as tedious for them as it is for you. They are calm, warm, enjoying the comfort of their mother’s belly and then all of a sudden they are pushed into the world, and it is cold, bright, loud and scary. If they could speak, it is very likely that they would also be saying some variation of ‘what the fuck’ as well.” She smiled wickedly at me and I laughed. I looked around the room again, as if to say I’m not the only one, but no one else was laughing. The redhead looked madder than ever, and her husband looked like he wanted to run away and hide. I wanted to tell him to get out of dodge, but I guess it was too late. He’d already gotten her pregnant. I shivered for him as I realized that he was going to have to spend the rest of his life with someone that looked like she was having a colonoscopy every second of the day.
“I am going to kill you, Zane.” Lucky whispered to me, as the instructor gave us a few minutes to gather our thoughts.
“It’s not my fault.” I shrugged. “She scared me.”
“How could she have scared you?”
“I was sle…I mean, I was thinking happy thoughts about our babies and next thing I know someone is screaming like they are being murdered. I thought someone was giving birth in the room or something.”
“That’s the point.” She rolled her eyes. “She was simulating what the birthing process is like for the baby. Giving birth is hard for the mother and for the babies.”
“I know,” I said, feeling very serious all of a sudden. “I’m sorry, Lucky.”
“It’s okay.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “It was kind of funny.”
“Do you think everything’s going to be okay?” I looked into her eyes. “When you give birth and everything?”
“It’s going to be fine.”
“Are you sure they gave you all the tests?” I could hear the worry in my voice. “We can get you to some new doctors if you don’t trust the information you’ve received so far.”
“I trust my doctor, Zane,” she said patiently.
“Are you sure? We need to make sure that you don’t—”
“Everything is going to be fine, Zane.” She reached over and kissed me on the cheek. “I know you’re worried, but everything is going to be fine.”
“I’m just scared, after hearing about my mom, you know.”
“I know.” She nodded and jumped up. “I understand.”
“Okay, everyone. The break is done. Who’s ready for some fun?” The instructor spoke loudly and the room fell silent. She looked around waiting for someone to answer, and I stuck my hand up.
“I’m ready.” I spoke up, and I saw the redhead give me an annoyed look out of the corner of my eye. “I’m very ready.” I continued, laughing to myself. “Is there a room that Lucky and I can go into?” I continued, deliberately misunderstanding what she had meant. “I didn’t know we were going to practice how to make a baby as well.”
“Zane.” Lucky grabbed my arm, the red rising in her face.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Beaumont, but that is not the type of fun I was talking about.” The instructor gave me a small frown, but I could see a glimpse of humor in her eyes. I was pretty sure she was glad to have people like Lucky and me in her classes, along with the stuck up bitches from Beverly Hills.
“Oh, darn.” I laughed and put my arm around Lucky’s waist. “I guess it’s obvious we don’t have a problem in that department. We’re having twins.” Lucky pinched my waist hard, and she glared at me again as I looked at her.
“I am going to kill you when we get home. You’re in so much trouble.”
“Going to spank me, are you?” I whispered back and she laughed as she rolled her eyes.
“You wish. Now, shh.”
“If you two are done, I would like to continue on with our next session.” The instructor gave us a disapproving look, along with the rest of the class, and I realized we were the bad apples in the class. I knew that Noah would think it was funny as hell when I told him what happened. That would teach Lucky to bring me along to these things. She knew I had no interest in watching videos of women giving birth and screaming. What man really wanted to see all that? I mean, it was a good video for a sex education class: it would stop boys from sleeping around, possibly. But it sure wasn’t doing anything for me, as a soon-to-be father.
“Right now, husbands and boyfriends, and of course, girlfriends, I want you to practice supporting your partner. When they are in the delivery room, they are going to be in pain. They are going to be worried. They are going to be scared. They are going to need your support in multiple ways. Now, does anyone know what actions you can take to support your partners?”
“We can hold their hand.” A big biker dude spoke up. “So that they can squeeze it hard when they push.”
“That’s what she said.” I whispered to Lucky, but she ignored me.
“Yes,” the instructor said. “Handholding is very important. But do not force her to hold your hand if she doesn’t want to. Also, realize that if she is squeezing your hand hard, it is not a good idea to complain about the pressure. If you don’t think you can deal with it without complaining, it might be a better idea to get her a stress toy to squeeze.”
“She can hold my hand anytime.” The biker dude grinned. “I’m a strong dude. I can take it.” I looked at him, and laughed inside. I bet he was going to be the first one to faint in the delivery room, once his wife started pushing. It was always the ones that looked rough and tough that were the wussiest ones.
“Any other ideas, guys? What can you do to support your partner?”
“You can tell her how beautiful she is.” The redhead’s husband spoke up and she smiled at him appreciatively.
“Yes, you can do that.” The instructor nodded and I rolled my eyes. What woman wanted to hear she was beautiful as she pushed a basketball out of her vagina? “Anything else?” She looked around and the class was quiet. I noticed that all the other guys were either staring at their feet or the wall, and looked as bored as I felt.
“Okay, guys.” The instructor laughed. “I guess I’ll take it from here. You can also rub your wife’s feet. There are pressure points in her feet that will help her loosen up and relax while in labor.”
“I like feet.” One skinny man spoke up eagerly. “I can do that.”
“That’s good.” The instructor gave him a quick smile. “What we’re all going to do now is practice rubbing our partner’s feet.”
“Now?” I looked over at her and frowned. “I thought the class was done in two minutes?”
“No, Mr. Beaumont. There is no official end time to the class. It all depends on when we get through everything we need to do.”
“Okay,” I frowned. “But the class schedule said the class ends at 7 p.m.”
“Well, as I just told you, it’s not yet ending, Mr. Beaumont.” All humor was gone from her face. “Everyone go back to your mats, please. And we will practice making our partners comfortable with a foot rub. Remember, husbands, this is not about you. You are not the ones going through the pain of delivery. You are not the ones giving birth. Your job is to make your partner happy and as relaxed as possible. You have to be patient.” She gave me a look, and then turned around and walked over to her small boom box. “Now, I’m going to play some music that can be soothing in stressful situations.”
“I wonder if she’s going to play Kanye West.” I whispered to Lucky as we sat down.
“Yes, Zane, she’s going to start blasting ‘Golddigger’,” Lucky grinned at me, and slapped me in the arm. “You’re going to get us kicked out, you know.”
“No, I’m not. I haven’t done anything bad.” I shook my head innocently.
“You’re acting like an idiot.” She shook her head with a half-smile. “I should be so mad at you.”
“You’re not?” I tilted my head to the side.
“How could I be mad at you?” She laughed. “But you better believe I’m going to be squeezing the shit out of your hand.”
“Ooh, you just said shit.” I laughed at her and she blushed.
“We’re seriously going to be the worst mom and dad.” She laughed. “Our kids are going to get kicked out of preschool for cursing.”
“Not with Uncle Noah in the picture.” I grinned. “He will school us.”
“True,” she laughed. “He’s taken to fatherhood like a fish to water.”
“Yeah, he has.” I smiled and warmth filled my heart as I thought about Noah and Skylar and how close they were. I never would have believed that Noah would be a dad in his early twenties, and to see him in the role made me see him in a new and even more respectful light. My brother really was the best man I knew.
“Maybe I should have brought him here with me.”
“Are you trying to make me jealous?” I pulled her to me and she giggled as I kissed her neck. “He may be my brother, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t slap him silly if he even thought about getting close to you.”
“Zane, you’re an idiot.” Lucky’s eyes shined brightly into mine. “He’s my brother as well, and he has Robin.”
“Well, we hope he has Robin.” I made a face, suddenly feeling sad for Noah. They had agreed to start over again, but Robin really didn’t seem to have much time for him. I wasn’t positive that she was going to get over the secrets he had kept from her and that made me feel bad for him. I knew just how much he really liked her.
“Well, if it doesn’t work out with Robin, he can always see if he likes Leeza. She’s coming to visit in a few months.”
I groaned at the mention of her friend’s name. I wanted nothing to do with Leeza and, frankly, I was pissed that Lucky was still friends with her. “Leeza will never date my brother.” I shook my head. “No way do I want a tramp in my family.”
“She’s not a tramp.” Lucky glowered at me.
“How’s it going, you two?” The instructor walked up to us. “Now is the time to connect as partners having a baby. Small talk can be had after the class.”
“Yes, sorry.” Lucky sat back and blushed. “Stop distracting me, Zane.”
“You’re going to have us kicked out.”
“You really think so?”
“We’re going to get kicked out for talking?” I mumbled to myself and sat in front of her and slid her shoes off. She placed her feet on my lap and sat back. Her long dark hair hung in curls down her back, and she closed her eyes as she relaxed. I took her right foot in my hand and started caressing it. She smiled at me as she relaxed and I stared at her, feeling the love surge through me. Her other foot nudged closer to my crotch and I wondered if she was trying to tease me. I grinned as I thought of a way to really relax Lucky. I’d show her how to get kicked out of the class, I thought to myself. “How does this feel?” I asked her softly as I kneaded the soles of her feet.