They followed the woman into a small foyer that led to a narrow hallway with a light lavender door at the end. Before they reached the door they could hear a man grunting and swearing.

"Sean?" the woman said, knocking on the door. "The ambulance is here!"

"Thank god," the man said, gasping.

Joe reached out and tried the doorknob only to find it locked. "Sir? We need you to unlock the door if you want help."

There was a slight pause before he said, "Marie?"

"Yes?" Marie said, sobbing softly.

"I need you to go find my insurance card. It's in my office," he said, sounding distressed.

The woman looked confused, but did as she was asked. "O-kay, Sean."

A minute later they heard the lock click. "Okay, come in," Sean said, sounding in pain. "Just shut the door behind you."

Joe and Eric shared a look before stepping inside, Eric first. It was a bit of a squeeze as they stepped inside the small bathroom and shut the door behind them. They found a man in his late thirties wearing a gray tee shirt and nothing else, kneeling on the floor, bent over the edge of the tub and looking incredibly uncomfortable. Of course she'd be uncomfortable with two strangers in the room and her bare ass pointing out for all to see.

She quickly looked around for blood or any obvious signs of trauma and found nothing but his discarded pants on the floor and a small tube of personal lube on the counter in the rather tidy bathroom. She was about to ask him what was wrong when a vibrating sound reached her ears. She frowned and looked at his pants.

"Is that your phone going off, sir?" she asked.

"No," he said softly.

"What seems to be the problem today, sir?" Eric asked as he quickly assessed the situation. He looked just as confused as she felt.

"I-I had an accident," the man stammered.

"Okay," Eric said slowly. "Where are you injured?" As he asked, Joe ran her eyes over the man again and couldn't see anything wrong.

The man averted his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "I slipped on something," he said and Joe again wondered where the hell that phone was.

Eric nodded sympathetically. "Okay, do you think you broke anything when you slipped?" he asked, setting down the tech bag on the narrow counter.

Sean shook his head. "No.....I...." He licked his lips nervously. "It's inside me," he whispered hoarsely.

As if on cue their eyes dropped to his exposed ass.

"I see," they both murmured.

Joe cleared her throat. "And that vibrating sound....." she prompted.

"Is coming from me," Sean said tightly.

"What is-" Eric started only to be cut off by Sean.

"It's a vibrator. My wife's. S-she must have left it out on the floor because..because I came in here to take a shower and slipped and landed on it. I tried to pull it out, but I can't reach it," the man rambled on.

"I see," Eric said and Joe could tell he was struggling just as hard as she was not to laugh. Laughing at patients was bad she learned her first year. It could set them off into violence, a shouting match or worse, a write up. "So, um, you slipped on the floor and landed on it causing it to impale you?" Eric asked in his most professional tone, making it harder for her not to laugh.

"Yes, that's exactly what happened," Sean said, sounding relieved that they were at least pretending to buy his story.

"Can you stand up?" Joe asked.

Sean shook his head. "No, it's eight inches long. Every time I try to stand it really really hurts!" he cried.

Eight inches, pretty impressive, she thought and could definitely be a problem moving him, but they were going to have to do it.

"Please don't tell my wife," he said, sounding mortified.

"Our only concern right now is getting you to the hospital. What you tell your wife is your business," Eric said casually, but she didn't miss the humor in his eyes.

"Do you you think one of you could possibly get it out?" Sean asked, sounding hopeful.

Eric threw her a horrified look as he shook his head frantically. She had to agree. There just wasn't enough money on earth to make her want to put her fingers up some guy's ass and retrieve an eight inch vibrator. Nope, not going to happen.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't extricate something embedded in your body," she said smoothly, inwardly thanking OEMS then and there for that little rule. The only time they could attempt to remove something from the body was if it was blocking the airway. Since his ass wasn't required for breathing they were good to go.

The man nodded solemnly. "I understand." He swallowed hard. "Can we go now?"

"Yes, we have a few options here, Sean. We can get you back into your pants to protect your privacy-"

"That's fine. Please, let's just get going I want to get the most embarrassing event of my life over with," he said, panting.

"Okay," Eric said, nodding. "We're going to help you stand then one of us will help you pull your pants up."

"I can't stand up," Sean pointed out.

"You can remain bent over, but you should be able to use your legs to stand. We'll help you take it slow," Joe said.

"Okay," Sean said with a small whimpering sound.

Without a word they moved into position and carefully helped him stand up by pulling him up by his arms. Once they stood they stared across the man's back at each other. Eric gestured with his eyes for her to get the pants. Joe adamantly shook her head. He gestured again, harder this time. Nope, wasn't going to happen.

"Eric, I'll hold him so you can help him with his pants," she said, giving him a shit eating grin. Yup, she trapped him into it, but she wasn't feeling guilty about it. Not in the least. Not after this weekend.

He glared at her, mouthing, "Bitch".

"Hurry, please!" the man sounded like he was in extreme pain.

"Sir, is this hurting you?" she asked, concerned.

He moaned softly before saying in a strained voice, "Not exactly."

Eric got into position with the pants. "Step into them," he said.

The man shuffled his feet, moaning softly as he did it. He began panting, causing Eric to send Joe a nervous look. Eric pulled up the pants and stood up behind him just as the man groaned loudly. His body shook beneath Joe's grip.

She bit her lip to stop from laughing. Eric turned his head quickly away, making choking sounds. He was having a hell of a time not laughing. Sean seemed oblivious to it as he continued to moan and shake. Joe glanced down at her pants and boots, making sure the man hadn't just made a deposit on her. If he did they were going in the trash. It was one thing to get puked on or bled on in her job, but quite another to have some guy with a sex toy fetish come on her shoes. She sighed with relief when she spotted the white mess on the bottom of the mauve shower curtain.

Tags: R.L. Mathewson EMS Young Adult
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