We needed to get it out in the open.
She stomped forward and pushed me in the chest.
“I fucking hate you for what you did!”
When she began to pound me with closed fists I wrapped my arms around her to ward off the blows and to calm her down. She struggled, but I held her tight until her cries died down. She stopped fighting me and buried her face into my chest.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” And I was. I was so fucking sorry. If I could take away her pain, I would. If I could turn back time to that night and never go to that party, I would. I kissed the top of her head and she sank her fingers into my chest, twisting them in my shirt. “It rips my heart out to know that the one thing I couldn’t protect you from was me.”
The night of the clubhouse party I had gotten drunk and my asshole father had spiked my drink. I ended up fucking a girl I didn’t know. I was so intoxicated and high, I thought she was Indy. Never for a moment did I think I was inside of someone else. Unfortunately, I worked it out at the same time as Indy. She walked in on us when I was in the middle of coming inside a girl whose name I didn’t even know. I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory. Indy broke up with me and moved away to college. Alone.
In one night, I had lost everything.
She relaxed against me and I felt her body shudder. Knowing she was calmer, I loosened my hold around her arms and pulled back to look at her. Her large, brown eyes were wet and full of pain.
My thumb brushed over the plump slickness of her lips. “I don’t deserve you. Not in a million years. But tell that to my stubborn heart. It’s not ready to give you up. Not now, not ever.” I tucked her hair behind her ear and her eyes glittered up at me.
She frowned as she whispered, “I loved you so fucking much.”
“I know.” I tangled my hands in her hair and held her as close as I could. “I just hope one day you’ll forgive me.”
She pulled away, just slightly, so our bodies were still together, and looked up at me through her damp lashes. Christ, she was beautiful. Blinking, she raised up on her tiptoes and slowly pressed her lips to mine. It was a soft and uncertain kiss. Slow and hesitant. And I felt her breath leave her as she fisted her hands in my shirt again. With a moan, I broke it off.
But Indy wasn’t done. She pulled me back to her warm, soft mouth. But this time she kissed me like she couldn’t get enough, and it was all I needed for my body to respond in all the usual ways.
Before I realized it, she was undoing my belt buckle and grabbing at the zipper of my jeans. Urgent hands tugged at denim and then slid between me and my boxers.
But this wasn’t right.
This wasn’t the way I wanted this to happen.
I wasn’t going to make love to my girl for the first time in twelve years like this. No matter how hard my body was begging me to.
I pulled back, hesitating, but Indy wasn’t interested in any hesitation. She wanted exactly what her hand was about to touch and… oh, goddamn… I groaned as she wrapped her warm fingers around me. The man in me knew I had to stop her. But my cock in her hand had other ideas.
“Wait…” I breathed.
“I’m not interested in waiting,” she said, her mouth crashing to mine again.
I wanted to do the right thing, but damn, I wanted her.
Gently, I pushed her back to hold her at arm’s length. We looked at each other. “This isn’t going to happen,” I breathed.
Her eyes darkened and her grip on me loosened. I felt her shoulders sag. “You don’t want this?”
“More than you could ever know.” My breathing was ragged and my cock hated me. But I had to stop her. “Not like this.”
She pulled away and turned to look at Destiny in the distance. The way she bit her lower lip made me want to say to hell with it and give her what she wanted. Right here. Right now.
But when I reclaimed what was mine, it wasn’t going to happen in the parking lot on the side of an old cavalry fort, rushed and frantic. I wanted to take my time with her. Make sure it was what she really wanted and not because she was having some emotional response to her daddy dying.
“I thought—” She stopped herself from talking and her beautiful face settled into a frown. She thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Will you take me home?”