Feeling that all-too-familiar ache in my chest, I turned my back and made my way inside my house, and headed straight to the bottle of Jack in the liquor cabinet.
Drinking her off my mind had never worked before. But damn if I wasn’t going to give it another try.
The following day, the club held a memorial barbecue for Jackie. I didn’t want to go but I couldn’t avoid it. All members were expected to be there.
It wouldn’t be a somber affair like the wake. This was the opportunity for everyone to celebrate, drink, listen to music, reminisce, and get messy. There would be booze, barbecue, live music, and women. When it came to hosting visiting charters, the Kings of Mayhem Originals knew how to put on a good party.
I was in the bar of the clubhouse when Indy and Anson walked in. I told myself to look away, but there was a serious communication breakdown between my brain and my eyes. So I just stood there, like a dick, beer bottle half-way to my lips, unable to tear my gaze off them.
It took Joker patting me on the back to pull my attention away from them.
“Looks like Indy traded up in her absence,” he joked, shaking his head and flipping open a beer bottle. As he walked past, I gave him a special salute with my middle finger.
I took a long pull of my beer, draining it before banging it down on the counter. I stole another glance at Indy and Anson as they made their way in the opposite direction, stopping so Indy could introduce Anson to Isaac and Cherry, and Cherry’s sister, Ashlee.
My heart ached at the sight of them. I just didn’t get it. What the hell was the other night all about? I thought I had my girl back. Then I saw the look in Indy’s eyes and I realized the other night wasn’t about reconnecting at all. It was her saying goodbye.
I watched Anson slide his arm around her waist. Fury tore through me and it took everything I had to restrain myself from throwing him against the wall and fucking him up for having his hands on my girl. For touching her. For loving her. For offering her the life she deserved—the one I couldn’t.
Indy didn’t even glance my way, but she knew. I could see it all over her face. She knew what was taking place inside me and she didn’t even flinch. Payback’s a bitch, Cade.
With my fists at my side, I drew in a deep breath and nodded. I had broken us all those years ago, but Indy had just closed the book on us for good.
I took one final look at the girl I would never have, and without another word, I walked away.
It was more than an hour later when I caught up with Indy at the bar. I couldn’t see where Anson was, but I didn’t give a fuck and took advantage of the moment alone with her.
She was flipping the tops off a couple of beers when I came up behind her.
“Does he know how well I know you?” I said, standing right behind her so she had nowhere to go, my lips brushing her ear as I leaned in and asked, “Inside and out?”
She swung around to glare at me.
“That’s none of your business,” she snapped.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong.” My eyes burned into hers. “It became my business the moment you climbed on my cock and cheated on him.”
She barely flinched at my words. I’d just accused her of cheating on her fiancé and her face remained completely unresponsive. She had one hell of a poker face.
Planting her palms on my chest, she pushed me back.
“You think because I fucked you that you know everything about me?” She cocked an eyebrow at me, her gaze unwavering as she said, “You know nothing about me or my relationship.”
“Maybe I don’t. But let’s recap what I do know.” My eyes narrowed slightly as I struggled to regain my temper. “I know that the night before last you wanted nothing more than to make love to me. That while your fiancé was back in Seattle, you were loving me. Touching me. Begging me to make love to you. And it wasn’t fucking. So don’t try to deny it. You made love to me because you still fucking love me. Just like I love you. So why don’t you quit fucking lying to me and admit it.”
She took a step toward me and stared right into my eyes. “So what if I do. It wasn’t enough last time, so why in the hell would it be enough now?”
And then pushing past my shoulders, she walked away from me.
I lay on my bed and tried not to look. I tried not to feel what I was feeling. Tried to ignore the physical yearning and pleading of my body when I thought of her. But I couldn’t. And even though I knew it was wrong, I turned my head to look out the window and across into Indy’s bedroom and watch as she stepped out of the sundress she’d been wearing and let it drop to the floor. My body ached for her and my heart longed to feel her in my arms. I wanted to do the things to her that I did with Mallory Massey, Cathy Winters, and Jane Peters.